Written by Bailey Tailor, Montessori Guide on sabbatical
For many families who have chosen Montessori, talking with children about their experiences at school can feel a bit ambiguous. When so much of the children’s work is conducted with materials and experiences that do not produce a product, there is less ‘evidence’ coming home, and it is common to wonder, “What is my child up to all day?” Additionally, elementary children seek experiences outside the family because it supports their developing autonomy and self-exploration. It is not unusual for children to feel a bit protective of their time at school, where they experience a different level of independence. While we can respect this developing individuality, talking about experiences at school is an integral part of a close and trusting relationship. So what can we ask when ‘What did you do today?’ doesn’t spark a great discussion?
Montessori is a developmental approach, and the characteristics of children at a given stage guide everything we do in the classroom. Elementary children enter a new phase of social development when friendships and community are paramount. This is when the children establish their sense of morality and the reasoning mind. Elementary children love big work, and their experiences in the classroom and beyond are Cosmic Education. This is the exploration of the interconnected nature of all work in the classroom, and it fosters an appreciation of the universe and the child’s place within it. Just like we do in the classroom, you can use these characteristics to have engaging discussions about school at home.
Social Development
The second plane, or elementary period of development, is when friendships and community are the center of a child’s world. The mixed-age classrooms in Montessori allow for rich social dynamics and the powerful experience of being the youngest and then the oldest every three years.
Questions to Ask…
Who are the people in your classroom with big ideas?
Who is funny?
Who do you help when you’re at school? Who helps you?
How does that friend make you feel?
Morality and Justice
The second plane is when children establish their moral sense. Children this age are fascinated by right and wrong, and as you certainly experience at home, this is fertile ground for an interesting conversation. These are especially important discussions to have at home, where children typically feel a greater sense of comfort unpacking their ideas or asking questions.
Questions to Ask…
Is there a system for that (pencils, lunch, pet care, etc.) in your classroom? What do you think about that system?
How do you make decisions as a whole class?
What do you and your friends agree and disagree on?
When your child mentions something they observed… What do you think about that choice? What would you have done?
Work
Dr. Montessori defined ‘work’ as a purposeful activity that engages the mind and hand. One of the essential themes of Cosmic Education is the value of work; work is how human beings contribute to society, perpetuate culture, and care for our Earth. One way to hear about your child’s work at school is to share what you are working on during the day. This is such a meaningful way to reinforce the impressions established in the classroom because no one is more influential and important in your child’s eyes than you. In all behavior, children are receptive before they are expressive, so if we can frame our genuine experiences in a developmentally appropriate way, this modeling establishes a strong foundation.
When children choose to tell us about their work, our response is key to their willingness to do so. We have to be mindful of this in the classroom as well. When we let our own biases or worries for a child into these conversations about the work that excites them, it alters the tone and can make children less interested in sharing. If your child is excited to tell you about an aspect of their day and you respond with interest and then ask if they did any writing, biases about ‘good interests’ are evident to the child. We can send similar messages when a child learns to expect that we will regularly ask about a skill we are concerned about. These concerns are important, and this is when it is essential to partner with your child’s guide about the skills in question so that your conversations with your child about school are times of connection. In this way, you remain a source of comfort and support as the child navigates overcoming difficulties.
When conversing about work, my favorite way to connect with children is not a question at all. I like to wonder aloud, which is applicable in almost any scenario and nearly irresistible to the reasoning mind. The best part about an ‘I wonder’ is that the children often follow up after some investigation, and a robust conversation unfolds.
I wonder what kinds of discussions you will have around the dinner table or in the car on the way home from school…